What am I doing? 

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This is a life update. I cheated today so no weight-loss blog. Sorry. 

Today was very emotional for me. I had dreams of positive pregnancy tests last night. That’s all I could think about all day. I feel like I can’t even escape when I’m asleep. I keep thinking maybe I should go get a test and take it but I know I’m not pregnant just having dreams that I am. I’m emotionally exhausted. All I wanted to do today was eat but I couldn’t let myself. I just laid in bed all day. I feel like there is no comfort right now. All I wanted was to cuddle with my husband and cry but he was at work. Needless to say I cheated today. I dont care about my diet right now. I have too many emotions going on to worry about. I’ll probably get back on track tomorrow but today I just can’t. 

Me and my husband have been trying again for two weeks. I just keep thinking that it took 4 years to get pregnant this time how long will it take to get pregnant again?  I just feel like so much was taken from me. I was so happy for the few short weeks I was pregnant and thought there was a baby inside. I felt like I was on top of the world. I was thinking about what it’s going to be like once the baby is born and thinking about watching my husband hold our baby for the first time. Now none of that is going to happen. I’m depressed all day every day. I keep having the people around me say that there’s a reason for everything and God has a plan for us but all of those people have had healthy pregnancies and healthy babies so how could they possibly know what is going through my head every day? I am completely a mess right now. I feel like I have no control of my life at all right now. I’m so lost. 

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