Ranting a little bit. 


Just a warning this blog maybe a bit of a rant today. 

Well I cheated yesterday. I have got to get my emotions under control! Some days I’m extremely motivated and things are easy. Then other days my emotions hit me like a freight train and there’s no comfort so I turn to food. I know my addiction is food and a recovering addict sometimes relaspes in times of stress. That has been happening to me a lot lately. I need to put a stop to it or I’m not going to make anymore progress at all. I’m still hovering around the 100lbs mark. I was down a couple pounds below it then cheated then I was up a couple pounds above it. Just a never ending cycle. When will I make this cycle stop? This miscarriage can’t effect my progress. I just keep thinking there was no baby inside me this time because of the blighted ovum but I have to be healthy for next time. Then I go to what if there is not a next time I’m pregnant. I feel like there’s something wrong with me. The thought of dealing with infertility issues for the rest of my life scares me. This is what causes me to eat. The food I eat is the only thing I feel I have control over anymore. I have to take all of this and some how turn it into a positive and I have no idea how. All the things and people around me are a constant reminder. I just want things in my life to be easy. My sister who is bigger then I am had two perfect pregnanies and now has two beautiful children. My sister-in-law is pregnant with a healthy baby inside. I worked my ass off the get healthy then lost the hundred pounds just to have a pregnancy with no baby and a miscarriage. How is that fair. I feel like right now nothing is going the way I want it to. I feel like I’ve completely lost control and there’s no way to get it back. All of these emotions are running through my mind d constantly everyday and the only thing I feel like I have to comfort me is food. I can’t even go home alone because I have a crib and baby stuff sitting in a room that I feel like I’m never going to use. Everything in my life is just a constant reminder of how much emotional pain I’m in. My heart hurts and these no way to stop it. No food can help with this pain and I know that but  something has to make me feel better right? 

I had a few pork rinds for breakfast. 0g carbs. 

For lunch I had procuitto wrapped mozzarella cheese and a couple hot links. 6g carbs. 

For dinner I had chicken with chipotle ranch and cheese. 8g carbs. 

Total carbs for the day 14g. Under my goal for the day. 

I drank my 100oz of water for the day. 


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