At this point I really just need a place to vent. So once again this is not a weight-loss blog. I am starting back on the diet tomorrow. Yesterday and today I decided to eat my feelings so I am not going to post what I ate. If you want to read about that please come back tomorrow.
Well I ended up going to the Emergency room last night. My cramps were intense, I had huge blood clots, and I was bleeding a lot. I sat in the emergency room for probably two and a half hours just trying not to cry. I think last night everything hit me. I was extremely sad that I wouldn’t be having a baby but I was extremely relieved because the torture of having all the pregnancy symptoms with no baby inside would be over. The doctor did a pelvic exam and said everything looks good and I should be able to finish miscarrying naturally. That was good news because I’ve heard you heal faster from natural miscarriage over a D&C. The bleeding slowed while we were at the hospital. We were finally discharged and we went home and I slept OK. I was cramping all night.
This morning I woke up with a strange feeling of relief. I woke up feeling okay. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I am still cramping but no blood clots today and light bleeding. I think I passed everything yesterday. I also took the day off work because I didn’t think I would be able to take the pain of the cramps all day. They are still a lot but not near as much as last night. I think I’ll be able to handle it with Tylenol tomorrow. I finally have this feeling of hope. It’s weird I thought I would be more devastated but I’m happy. Now that I have miscarried we can try again in a few months after I have healed a bit. I have a reason to keep going on this diet now. I want to be healthy as possible to reduce chances of anything happening. I know something are out of my control whether I lose weight or not like a blighted ovum or miscarriage but I want to help keep everything okay as much as possible. I am getting back on this diet tomorrow and I’m going to keep going because I really want to be a mom. That is the whole reason I started this weight-loss journey. A year ago I was 432lbs not even a chance in hell that I would get pregnant. Well 92lbs later I’m pregnant even though it didn’t end the way I wanted but now I know we can get pregnant. This gives me hope for the future.